


Valid Concerns

by Bdugo



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, No plot just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 11:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15948569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bdugo/pseuds/Bdugo
Summary: Peter and Wade flirt and discuss where your lap goes when you stand up.





	Valid Concerns

**Author's Note:**

> To be absolutely clear, this is comic-Spideypool! Peter and Wade are both grown ass adults from Earth-616.

“Honey, I’m home!” Wade calls, voice traveling loudly across the apartment from the doorway.  
  
Peter looks up from his place on the couch, sets his phone down on the coffee table when he sits up and smiles.  
  
“Hey, look at you using the door and not my windows.” Peter snarks.  
  
“I’ll have you know I was thinking about it,” Wade says as he drops off the fast food bag he was carrying on the counter. He turns to step back toward Peter on the couch. “The only thing stopping me was the possibility of some pigeons challenging me for these high-quality french fries on my way up.”  
  
Peter gives a smile and furrows his brow at that. “First of all, unless the restaurant down the street has changed its menu since last Thursday, there are no fries in that bag of Chinese food.”  
  
Wade scoffs and rolls his eyes at this, sliding beside Peter on the couch and pecking him briefly on the mouth.  
  
“Second,” Peter continues with little pause and a bigger grin. “If you were gonna get dive-bombed by birds, they’d be seagulls.”  
  
“Good point,” Wade relents, shrugging a shoulder lazily. ”But honestly I pissed off Clint the other day so I’m feeling a little paranoid. I think he told his friends about it because I saw a crow lookin’ at me this morning and he was just not having it.”  
  
“Well, I’m sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience,” Peter says, repositioning himself to straddle Wade’s thighs. “But thank you for getting food and powering through such a hard time.”  
  
“Don’t sass me, Pete.” Wade grins, reaching up to tweak Peter’s nose playfully.  
  
Peter sticks out his tongue out and moves to get up and retrieve the food from the counter, but Wade’s arms snake around his waist to hold him in place.  
  
Peter quirks a brow. “Our fries are getting cold.”  
  
“We can reheat it if we need to,” Wade curls his fingers into the waistband of Peter’s shorts.  
  
“Are you afraid your lap will disappear if I leave it for too long?” Peter teases, reaching for the intruding hand, stilling it but not moving it.  
  
“That’s a valid fear, Petey!” Wade brightens, face becoming playful. “Do you ever wonder where your lap goes when you stand up?”  
  
Peter pauses at this, lips tugging upwards and staring at the wall above Wade’s head in thought.  
  
“Oh my god.”  
  
“Right?” Says Wade.  
  
Peter rests his hands on Wade’s shoulders so he can look him in the eye. “Do you technically have a lap if you stand up? Cause they’re just thighs if you’re standing, and you can’t sit on someone’s thighs vertically.”  
  
They both interject at this.  
  
“Well-” Wade starts.  
  
“I mean,” Peter amends. “Unless you have spider powers and can stick to surfaces. But it’s still not a _lap_.”  
  
“Let's test it!” Wade shifts suddenly, placing Peter beside him on the couch as he moves to stand.   
  
Peter immediately mock-gasps, and Wade matches his exaggerated expression.  
  
“Oh my god, your lap is gone!” Peter laughs giddily, watching Wade smack at his thighs and twist in half circles like he’s lost something.  
  
“No!” Wade wails, erupting more giggles from Peter. “I can’t possibly go on! I’ll never have you on my lap again, and you’ll leave me for that statue of Abraham Lincoln!”  
  
He raises a distressed hand to his forehead and collapses dramatically to the couch again. As soon as he hits the cushion, Peter reaches for him to clutch at his shirt.  
  
“Wade!” Peter feigns shock, but can’t keep his smile away.  
  
Wade looks to Peter, double-taking glances toward his now-restored lap. “It’s a miracle!” He gasps, reaching for Peter’s face to cup his cheeks.  
  
Peter’s eyes are sparkling, crinkling at the corners in his mirth. “Your regeneration powers are faster than we thought! Your lap is already back!”  
  
“No way!” Wade whispers, reaching to grab at his own crotch. “Not only that, but my dick is even bigger than before!”  
  
Peter can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes him, and he covers his mouth to keep it in. “Wow, could it be because I was sitting on it only minutes ago?”  
  
“Oh yeah, babe.” Wade’s grin is sly, and he moves to pull Peter back into his straddling position from before. “Cause like my heart, my dick also grows 3 sizes when I see you.”  
  
Then he moves quickly to tackle Peter to the cushions and smother him in kisses. Peter shouts a laugh and Wade lets a few loose giggles escape him as they wrestle on the couch.  
  
Peter thinks briefly that they’ll probably end up having to reheat the Chinese, afterall.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my first Spideypool fic because unfortunately I don't have time for any grand, plot-heavy stuff right now, but I got this idea and I wanted to share it as a fluffy little one-shot.
> 
> Also I feel like this could have been rated G, but Wade mentions his dick briefly and I'm playing it safe lmao


End file.
